sometimes i talk it out...and sometimes i write it

one of the things that i miss about xanga was that thing that let you tell people what you were reading or listening to...i'm not reading anything interesting...mansfield park for 19th century brit.women's lit...boring...but i'm listening to john mayer...courtesy of steve (thx!)...i love john mayer and listen to his stuff all the time but there are certain days where i just listen to his stuff and it just so fits the mood i'm on...today is one of those days...rain...tea and john mayer makes for a blogging mood.

i had a little crisis of academic confidence last night. it played out as follows...i came home and grabbed my dad by both shoulders and said i don't think my professors think i am grad school material. my dad proceeded to laugh at my behaviour. I sent emails out on monday to ask profs for reference letters and they hadn't responded. i thought it was because they didn't think i was grad shcool material and didn't want to refer me but didn't know how to break it to me. so i doubted...as i regularly do. i must have checked my email amillion times...no luck. i was sure that i would have to ask some professor that i didn't even know for a mediocre reference. then i realized i had put everything out of perspective...as i tend to do. i'm a little dramatic (understaement of the year) when it comes to the future and school. i knocked some sense into myself and prepared to bang down some doors to ask for reference letters. then i get home today and both profs. responded. why do i do this to myself?...honestly! His ways are higher...all things work together for good....man do i have a hard head!

i basically shrieked with joy when i got those emails. and it was just the icing on a great day. i taught my first lesson today to my grade 4s. then i was asked to teach it to the other grade 4 class too. it went great both times....save some class management stuff which is the bane of all student teachers. the teachers who watched me both said i was great and that they have already recommended me to their principal for hiring ...can u imagine? i was more than thrilled because i have really loved teaching this year more than all the other previous years. i am starting to learn more about my class and they still do funny things that make me laugh but i have to be a bit more serious now because i am expected to actually instruct these children and not just laugh at their antics. what a ridiculous proposal!

since i now have willing referees i have to write a statement of interest. i'm not a hundred percent on what i want to study in graduate school. i do know that i want to learn about schools, teachers and the settlement process. I met the settlement worker at my school today and she talked to me for about 40 minutes about waht she did. she also showed a video to the staff about parent teacher interviews. it was for newcomer parents to Canada. it seemed really helpful. i don't remember a lot about what it was like for my parents when we got here but i feel like there are so many supports and systems for parents now. i feel like my family settled well (some of u may differ with me on that :)) but i'm not really sure how. i'm sure faith had a lot to do with it but i'm not sure about how and all the rest. as i was talking to this lady i was really excited about what she did and how she facilitated questions from newcomer families in a way that let them learn how Canada works.

I guess some of this should be in my statement of interest.

white night was last sat. and i must say it was a fabulous time w/ some fabulous friends who always make me laugh.

while looking at a model of the city of toronto...
d-there is a technical architechtural term for this....what is it....
ken-its called a model
d-no there is a tech. term...i know it in spanish but not english
jenn-in chinese its "model" (said with a fob accent)
hahahahhahahhhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

d-let's go to philosopher's walk.there is an artist who is filling it with fog.
jenn-what? he's gonna fill it with immigrants?
d-not fobs jenn, fog...
hahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahhaahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahah


while playing with giant dominoes and putting one sideways instead of lengthwise...
random kid: that's not how u put them...what are u 12 years old
d-*hangs her head in shame*
hahahhahahhahhaahahahhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah


life is good. things are well and then in a moment where i am not running around doing something or other as i'm waiting for my tea to boil the pang comes. a sharp bitter pang of something lost, of a lonely place, of irreversible actions, of words not taken back, of words not spoken, spoken too late. the drops know their path well for they've traveled it before. they may have to travel it again and again and again and....

dreaming with a broken heart,

daniela