secret post, secret blog, secret wish that this was for me

day 2 in the springs

i went to this huge church with like 14000 members it was incredible and the teaching was so what i needed to hear. it was about family and God being generational and how the choices made by one generation affect the future very thought porvoking.
then this church did my favorite thing in the world...free food..they have it for new people every first sunday of the month and they had chinese food...beef and brocolli and bahn...that chinese bun with meat...love it!

i had a nice long chat with my hispanic canadian firend and we shared all the highs and lows of being a hispanic canadian girl in the 2007. ti was sucha great bonding time that at the end i just jumped up and hugged her and was like i'm so glad i met you. i love poeple that make you feel like you are just supposed to be friends with them.

i finally unpaked me and my roomate are both ladi back so we just kept postponing it and i think we were th only ones inthe whole res who hadn't settled in. so we decided to buckle down and do that.

we had a orientation session at 6 so we went and heard our residence advisors story about her life and her experiences here and just her spiritual jounrey to where she is now. it was amazing because she is orginally from mexico and i am so excited to talk more with her and just pick her brain. and her nusaband is that funniest guy int he world.

i had this total God moment because she had astory book in her hadn and i was thinking like wow waht a cool way to tell a group of people about you life by using a story book and i decided that if i ever had to do that i would use the velveteen rabbit and then lo and behold doesn't she read from the velveteen rabbit .i almost had a stroke but got over it and just really was mamazed at how God orchestrates people into my life when i need them.

after that we went grocery shopping at walmart...gross i know but its the american way. and then we came back to tapratment and just snacked and had some roomate bodning time. the grils i live with are so hilarious and ask the funnest questions about canada and they already think i am the biggest nerd because i use big words. i love it.

day 2 = thumbs up!

adventures in america

hi friends,
i'm in the springs now and i bet no one reads this blog anymore but i don't care because i'm too lazy to write stuff down so this is gonna be my point form( and some times long form) journal so i can remember what i did while i was here.

my flight and stuff was ok..pretty boring but travelling with a laptop is great because i got to organize and update some of my files and get some work done too.
when i landed in denver i forgot that i was supposed to ask to fly on standby on a earlier flight to colorado springs. probably because i was starving from not eating all day so instead of apporaching the counter i apporached the person with a mcdonalds cup and asked them to point me to mcd's. i made a beeline for those fries. in all honesty i was craving mcd's since toronto but couldn't get it. i was dissappointed that they don't have double cheeeseburgers in teh states but i had myself some big mac and that was nice.

my flight to the springs was literally like 15 minutes...like up and down...i felt the mcd's coming back up a coupl eof times...but landed with great success....at keeping it intact.

my housemates were there to pick me up and they had a sign for me and everything so it was nice. but i found that one of my suticases lost its wheel in the process of getting here...sucks.

they were so nice to me and asked me all sorts of things abotu cnanda and were just really helpful and welcoming. the southern states are very friendly i must say.

well just some random things i wnwat to note about my first day:

talking with my roomate about the temp. in toronto in jan...i told her its minus 10 and she almost had a stroke...because she thought celsius...and knows that life can't exist at those temperatures...

there is carpet in my washroom

everytime i say washroom i get laughs...because they say bathroom....

my housemate was so glad that i was short cuz she loves short people.

when i saw the other canadian girls we jumped up and down and screamed and hugged eachother that was my most canandian moment ever.

i went to this cool ice cream pace called cold stone where they literaly make the ice cream on a cold stone. u pick a favlour (sweet cream...like vanilla but more southern) and then a topping (brownie) the girl literally took the ice cream and put it on a frozen slab of rock plopped the brownie on top and then took 2 round paddles and kneaded it togeter to make a delicious combination.

learning that on monday for orientation we have to wear panty hose and realizing that every girl born in the 80's hates panty hose.


all in all its been a great itme so far. i'm close to the mountains and thats beautiful u just forget they're there and literally gasp everytime you see them.
we did a ton of outdoor ed games and get ot know you kinda things. the group i was with did the best at the intellectual pursuits but always ended making the physical ones more challengeing. its really great livign witha lot of like minded people and just meeting new poeple from all over the place. my goal is to be able to use y'all naturally in a sentence wehn i get home cuz they're all so good at it here...lol

if u read this you're awesome.

love
d

how to save a life- The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

catching up

hello bloggin' friends,
so it's been a while...i finally caved and did the google blogger thing
lots of stuff has happened like naomi's shower which was a hit and secret to boot...her party for which we were fashionably late...school...reading for the love it...etc etc.

neways, the point is life is fun! fun fun fun!

onto another topic,
i just wanna give a shout-out to all my girlfriends that have a boyfriend..aka who are not single....i just wanna let u know that i love ur boyfriends because they love u and i especially love how you all make fun of each other for being obsessed with you respective boyfriends and then obsess over yours...i think that is splendid and it brings great joy to my life and makes me laugh at ur respective antics...silly girls!

so i told jenn that i was gonna post all this stuff about having urges to have my own classroom even though i already spent a million dollars to apply to grad school. and i am. sometimes i so throughly enjoy being a teacher. being in the classroom. seeing my kids learn and make progress. i always go home so fulfilled and tired and just thinking about all these issues and possibilities. it really is such a challenging profession that has so many new opportunities every single day. if you take hold of them. i see alot of teachers....young and old alike that don't that don't engage and wrestle with the conflicting role of their person as a teacher and the impact on the lives and futures of their students. i really think that these teachers have never understood the political and philosophical aspect of teaching. the fact that is about more than content and even skills but that is about your personal vision of society and encouraging students in the direction of your vision of society. and that there are such a complex webs of factors that children enter the classroom with and that often as teachers you have to hrdle all of these and be a stronger influence in a student's life.

in spite of this sometimes, i still feel like there is not enough being done. by myself, by the admin by other teachers. like not enough resistance not enough counter culture not enough teaching. when i feel like that its usually because i get wrapped up in the content. i love content. i'm a sucker for facts and information and sometimes i get wrapped up in that when i teach and forget to act that hard questions of what this means to my students and how it will shape them in people that will question the world around them and choose to live authentically and originally.

at the same time (because everyone knows I am a mess of contradictions) i think this is the reason why I want to go to grad school and ask more questions and learn more things about this profession. i think i could learn this just as well if i was practicing the profession but i feel like i want a theoretical academic environment to do this in. I understand that this gives me a certain lack of practical context to draw from (this is why i won't get into oise) but i think i have lots of different ideas to contribute.

ok so that's it for that ramble. onto another one. (naomi this is extra long for u...love d)

so today i was thinking that sometimes i'm too political or too conceptual or something. what i mean is sometimes i do things based on ideas. like forexample i do things because i choose a certain stance and then i act based on that. i guess everyone kind of does that but i just kinda saw it as obvious today. i think sometimes thats why i'm such a robot and i just talk about really grand things but it doesn't really jive with what i do. i guess everyone struggles with that but its still not cool. this probably makes no sense because its extremely vague. so i'll quit.

ok so thats it. we should all blog again cuz its fun and i get to practice writing things down.

goodnight!
d

so you had a bad day...yes as a matter of fact i did...

i had that daniel powter song on my ipod today and i just keep nodding my head. it wasn't a terrible day but a number of things just piled up and tired me out. so here it goes folks, Daniela's bad day.

so the day started out fine even though i woke up late. i went to my host school to drop off some info so my principal can write me a reference letter. I took some water proof gloves for my student J. because he had to use mine yesterday. i saw him and he took the gloves and ran. that little bugger.* When I was in the office, my AP came and said she wanted to talk to me. I went to her class and knew what was coming. You see, yesterday my principal told me that they are looking for a temp. person to fill my teacher's position while she is recovering from her herniated disk and perhaps back surgery.this would most likely be a first year teacher which means she wouldn't be a position to supervise me for the remainder of the term. As such, I would have to move classes. The way he said it though made it seem as if it was just a possibility. Today, the AP confirmed it. she basically said that I will have to move up to a grade 5 class and leave my little grade 4s. When she told me I was kinda shocked. She said I would be fine because I'm adaptable. I got in my car and it hit me. No more little grade 4s. I wanted to cry. Maybe I just like stability. I love routine. Planning. I even plan my fun. it's kinda sick. but I'm really gonna miss my little grade 4s. I feel like its so much added stress to go into a new class and have to learn new names and new routines. it's basically starting from 0. I decided to talk to my course director. She said that at the end of the day if the admin at the school don't feel comfortable having me supervised by a new teacher i have to do waht they say and suck it up. she really said suck it up. i wanted to cry. the worst part is that i have been the only stable person for the grade 4s since there have been supply teachers since january. i feel good. I can handle that class and now i have to leave. this start to the day had my head swimming and i was more than a little overwhelmed.

I have been attending a class for the last month that I am actually not enrolled in. It is the last class i need to graduate. I did not enroll because I can't since I am not a Sociology major. I have been calling the undergrad Soci dept. since Nov. about getting special permission to enroll. In jan. they finally told the prof (via email) that after Jan 19 the courses were open to everyone adn all i had to do was get a form from their office and have my professor fill it out. So i went like the diligent student that I am the day immediately after Jan 19 when I was on campus. I go to the office explain the situation ask for the form and the girl looks at me like I have 5 heads and then says "we're not giving out that form anymore, the policy has changed." you've got to be kidding me. I was not a happy camper and i think a large part of the Soci dept knew. At any rate, thank goodness for my mac which allowed me to show some other lady the email from her dept. that said it would not be a problem and allowed me to enroll after the 19th. She finally admitted that she had to honor that email (after telling me i should talk to the undergrad director, saying the email was from someone else and not her and on and on). She gave me the form and i indignantly stomped away.

then i had a group meeting and i didn't realize taht one of the of the girls in my group has received the nobel prize for thickest skull in the world. honestly, it was the most painful group meeting ever. we have to desing a 40 minute learning expereince fro our class and it took almost 2 hours. because she was in la la land as we were talking and then when she talked all the inspiration for her words came from la la land. i know some of u will be thinking daniela, u are such a jerk. u always judge people. u have no patience for imperfect humans. u are a dictator. and on and on. but friends, lend me ur ears, everyone else in my group felt that way too. and in fact while she was being thick i took the time to explain to her waht the heck was going on. in an matter of fact curt kinda way but explanation nonetheless. we walked to the bus together and i discovered that she is not even inthe right year to be in that class but she told me it was complicated as to why. it seems york has screwed her. i sympathize. i really do having been in that same place today. but i still think she's thick.

well thats it. those are the 3 terrible parts of this bad day. it was all a little overwhelming so when i got home i creid to my mom. thats right i still cry to my mommy....got a problem with that.....no....that's what i thought. then i indulged in some retail therapy. all better.

oh i almost forgot. when i got to my car there was a ticket on it because i parked in an illegal spot. but i do that all the time when the go station is full and i haven't got one for months. well lo and behold today was the day that they started ticketing again. grrrr.


*speaking of J. yesterday when we were doing a cooperative learning activity J. decided that he was going to jump up and down and spin in circles at the same time while his group did the work. i was not impressed, but he's still my favorite.

the nap that could not be...

today when i got home i planned to take a nap. but this was not to be. first uri called, then i had to do this random thing then that random thing, then laundry, then dinner, then folding the laundry, then emailing so and so back...basically this nap was not to be. So now it's almost 8 00 and i still haven't read anything or finished my assignments for tomorrow.

i planned to blog before i napped but things also got in the way of that.

today i only had 8 students at school because the buses got cancelled because of the weather. only the walking kids came and we pretty well did nothing which was fine because i had nothing planned and also because i was so exhausted from going non stop since thursday.

i had recess duty and it was fun seeing my ESL kid J. throughly enjoy the snow. But he doesn't have snow pants or waterproof gloves so it was limited as far as rolling around in the snow..he enjoyed it nonetheless. I told him i would bring him some winter clothes. all day he asked me when we're going skating...and i told him about a million times on feb 15 but he is so excited. the school provides skates for the kids that don't have them (which i think is an excellent idea) and J. just wants to get those skates on his feet he wanted to try some on today but its not our turn to go yet. that kid seriously brightens my whole day...today on the way to gym he was skipping down the hallway...not just like annoying bratty skipping to not stay in the nice Grade 4 line which i remind them about every time we line up but skipping out of sheer joy for going to gym. i couldn't help but smile. :)

my teacher wasn't there again today. she wasn't there all last week either. she had problems with a degenerative herniated disk in her back and it seems to have gotten so bad she might have to have surgery. this might mean that she is not at school for quite some time and that we will have rounds of supply teachers with the kids. this is rough because students at any grade level need a consistent figure in the classroom. my students must have asked me a thousand times when mrs. R. was coming back and its hard saying I don't know...her attendance has been sporadic all year so maybe if we get a permanent supply or an LTO that may be better. For now, the teacher next door is helping with what she can and giving us plans on a period by period basis....nothing long term. We'll have to wait and see what happens. I'm glad that I realized I can do this teaching thing and feel confident in front of 24 pairs of little eyes because I will have a lot less guidance than what is prescribed for a practicing teacher. I'm so thankful for the teacher next door, she is great and really has learned to balance her profession and her family well so i think i stand to learn a lot from her.

this weekend i did no homework, a lot of going out and a lot of house keeping. all good things minus the no homework.

i dropped off my last (i hope) grad app on Friday at Ryerson. On Thurs. night it hit me that I wouldn't have time to do it today because I had to teach. That was definitely God's providence because with the weather today even if I had left school early I wouldn't have made it down to Ryerson in time to drop off my app. I lost sleep by finishing it Thursday but this weather today would have made it impossible. This situation reminded me of something that I read in a book I started reading called " The Sacred Romance". In the book there is an excerpt from Buechner's "now and then" that reads:

if God speaks to us at all other than through such official channels as the Bible and the church, then I think that he speaks to us largely through what happens to us...if we keep our hearts and minds open as well as our ears, if we listen with patience and hope, if we remember at all deeply and honestly then I think we come to recognize beyond all doubt, that however faintly we may head him, he is indeed speaking to us, and that, however little we may understand of it, his word to each of us is both recoverable and precious beyond telling.

i think that's really clear so I don't have to comment much except that to me it pointed out such a strong intersection between a life of reflective meditation on the physical word (as in the Bible) and the voice of God which is heard quietly in the moment to moment. it becomes so easy to crowd out that voice (at least for me) with all the day to day things which is why it requires effort to maintain those channels of communication open.

just a little bit of thinking i did on my unusually long drive home today.

have a great week!
d